Who Are You in the Story? Navigating the Drama Triangle
Drama is a low-vibration energy that most of us try to avoid, yet so often we find ourselves pulled into its field.
Yuval Noah Harari, author of Sapiens, even hypothesised that one of the reasons Homo sapiens outlived other human-like species is because we gossip—and through gossip, we form stronger social bonds.
Psychiatrist Stephen Karpman developed a framework known as The Drama Triangle, which outlines three roles people tend to fall into when caught in emotionally charged dynamics. I see these roles play out in clients, friendships, family relationships—and at times, in myself.
The three roles are:
Victim – “Poor me”
Let’s be clear: people can absolutely be victims of real and horrific experiences. But here, we’re talking about a mindset—one where someone consistently sees themselves as helpless and powerless.Rescuer – “Let me help you”
Rescuers are fixers. Often, they grew up in environments where the adults weren’t able to parent effectively, and so they developed an internal belief that their worth comes from helping or saving others. Without someone to rescue, their sense of value can feel shaky.Persecutor – “It’s all your fault”
Persecutors tend to score low on empathy. I often find them to be bitter, rigid, and lacking self-awareness—usually because they haven’t done much inner work. Their default is blame and criticism, rather than reflection or connection.
Thankfully, there are ways to step out of this triangle and shift into a more empowered way of being.
It starts with self-awareness. We need to be honest with ourselves about which role we tend to occupy, and take full responsibility for how we might be contributing to the dynamic. Without that, nothing changes.
David Emerald Womeldorff created a powerful alternative model called The Empowerment Triangle:
Victim becomes Creator
Rather than seeing themselves as powerless, the creator takes ownership of their life and begins to consciously shape it. It’s not always easy, and we must also acknowledge that systemic and socio-economic factors can deeply affect someone’s outlook. So compassion and kindness are essential here.Rescuer becomes Coach
Instead of jumping in to fix everything, the coach asks open-ended questions and trusts that, with the right support, people can find their own answers. It’s about empowering rather than saving.Persecutor becomes Challenger
Ideas and beliefs need to be challenged—but constructively. The challenger invites growth by asking critical questions that lift others up and improve the situation, rather than tearing people down.
Reading this—where do you see yourself most often?
💛 I love sharing my thoughts, feelings and ideas with you, and I hope you find them useful. I would greatly appreciate your support with a paid subscription.
UPCOMING CLASSES:
BOOK A ONE-TO-ONE
OTHER PLACES YOU CAN FIND ME