What are we going to do for young men?
On many of the podcasts I listen to, the challenges faced by young men are a recurring topic. I don’t have children myself, nor am I planning to, and I don’t spend much time with young people, so all the perspectives I’m hearing come from other adults.
That said, it seems to be pretty rough out there for young men. If you weren’t aware, the highest suicide rates are among young men, which makes it a very important topic to address.
It has, of course, also been all over everyone’s feed following the release of Adolescence on Netflix, which I have yet to watch. I’ve heard some interesting takes, and my key takeaway so far is that, again, much of the narrative is shaped by the perspectives of adults. It doesn’t seem to speak much to the inner lives of young men themselves.
In Adolescence, the causes of the problems are largely put down to people like Andrew Tate and similar individuals. You may know him, he has a very misogynistic version of masculinity. My sense of him is that his character actually feels very weak and insecure – but that’s just my personal feeling and not based on any real science.
Another influencer is Ashton Hall, you may have seen his latest viral video:
Don’t get me wrong, I have a good morning routine, but it does not start at 4 AM and last for 5 hours.
On A Little Bit Fruity, Matt Bernstein talks about how potentially “Alpha Males”, like Ashton, make men lonelier.
Gosh, where is all of this going to end up? I don’t know. What it does suggest, though, is that every opportunity we have to support and guide young men, we should take it.
On the positive side, I love Nick Slater’s take in this video:
He says:
“Yes, embrace masculinity – be decisive. Lead with purpose. Show up as a provider. But we also need to integrate the feminine – emotional intelligence, the ability to soften, to listen deeply, and express what we’re feeling. It doesn’t make you less of a man – it makes you a more whole one.”
I also recommend watching:
One of my recommended reads for all men out there is From the Core by John Wineland – an excellent book about evolving masculinity to fit a modern framework.
I am planning to read, How To Talk To Your Son About Fascism by Craig Johnson, as I’m sure it will also share a lot of interesting information. Again, I don’t have sons, but my sisters and close friends do.
I find this entire conversation fascinating because it often touches on the importance of strong male role models. My parents divorced when I was seven, and after that, my father was mostly absent – and, in truth, largely before that as well. So I was essentially raised by my mother, three sisters, and my aunt, with no strong male models around. If anything, all of the strong influences in my life have been women.
All of my teachers, parents of friends and mentors during my upbringing have all been female.
I don’t know if the fact that I’m gay had any impact on my character development, but it certainly forced me, from a very young age, to reflect on my role as a gay man in a mostly straight world. To ask myself: who do I want to be in a world where I don’t fit in, and many people would rather see me dead? It’s not that long ago that being LGBTQ+ was considered a mental health condition, and the days of Section 28 still linger in living memory.
As an adult, I feel very much that I represent what Nick outlined in the video above: confident, assertive, decisive, yet emotionally aware, a good listener and that I express how I feel.
I got here by reading, learning, talking, listening, stillness and having my health as my number one value and always asking myself what steps I could take towards improving it.
I could be entirely wrong about this, but I do feel we need to empower teachers, community leaders, and others to share and promote a modern version of masculinity – one that integrates positive masculine and feminine traits in equal measure.
Lastly, we have to create space for young people to simply speak and share without being judged. To listen deeply to what is going on for them, and then gently guide them towards more wholesome and loving values.
💛 I love sharing my thoughts, feelings and ideas with you, and I hope you find them useful. I would greatly appreciate your support with a paid subscription.
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