Unconditionally embracing Self-Acceptance
Are you there yet?
I have yet to embrace unconditional self-acceptance fully. The wounds are deep, and I’m still healing. As you well know, being a reader of my substack, the healing never ends … 💆🏼 Even so, it does not mean we should not keep going.
From a very young age, for one reason or another, I was not happy with the way my body looked. Moreover, being gay in a straight person’s world still leaves its marks even though my parents accepted my sexuality fully.
There is an excellent book called The Velvet Rage, which talks about the psychological impact discrimination has on LGBTQ+ people, even if you have only experienced it indirectly. The result is shame and guilt, which often leads to unhealthy behaviour and beliefs about self.
Recently, I have also come to understand that there may be some underlying, residual shame and guilt about where I come from. My background is/was not affluent; if anything, it is quite the opposite.
I have nearly come to terms with the fact that my family is what my family is, and why is it that we (me) deem them lesser because they were not “successful” in an ordinary way? Not helpful.
As I sense into this energy field within myself as an adult, I can tell how unhelpful that energy of shame and guilt is. In some ways, it is stopping me from engaging with my parents in a loving way.
I now understand that my parents did their best with the resources and upbringing they had. Sure, they made many mistakes, but that was in the past, and this is now.
Furthermore, judgment is rife in our society, and I see this in myself and other people. We judge people and ourselves because of their/our so-called poor choices, and it does not lead to a wholesome, loving and caring life. People are complex, and I’m the first to admit how easy it is to make stupid choices.
The therapist Ailey Jolie writes, “You have everything to gain from accepting yourself and everything to lose by rejecting yourself”.
Researcher Morgado explains, “[Self-acceptance is] an individual’s acceptance of all of his/her attributes, positive or negative.”
Powerful stuff.
My key takeaway from those statements is that we also need to accept what we deem to be negative about ourselves.
I need to accept myself fully. That is definitely going to take some work, but I do believe I will be a better person for it.
So, where do I believe a lack of self-acceptance comes from?
Comments from parents, siblings and friends during upbringing
Socially constructed expectations set by religion, schools, advertisements, governments and other institutions
Extravagant lifestyles advertised on social media
Forbes 30 under 30 list
What more would you add?
So, what can we do to practice self-acceptance?
Using the journaling prompts below, investigate the roots of your lowered self-acceptance.
Meditate with the intention of improving your self-acceptance. Ask your guides for help.
Keep a Green Aventurine crystal close.
Embody the archetype of the Sun Tarot card.
Cleanse your heart chakra.
Lean into curiosity over judgment.
Investigate if any lack of self-acceptance is rooted in a past life.
Notice how you speak to yourself and turn it away from being critical to becoming a coach.
Talk to a therapist about why you struggle with self-acceptance.
You can also check out my new Vocal Sound Bath, which focuses on self-acceptance.
Beliefs to adopt about the self that underpins radical self-acceptance:
“I am allowed to make mistakes.”
“I’m not less than because my body does not look like [x y z].”
“I do not judge myself too harshly.”
“I'm not unsuccessful because my bank state does not say a certain amount”.
“I find solace in being myself authentically.”
“I do not feel the need to explain my lifestyle decisions.”
“I embrace the complexity of self”.
“I know my boundaries, and I can communicate them well”.
“I do not take on the opinion of people I don’t admire”.
JOURNALING PROMPTS
What am I assuming that is stopping me from embracing unconditional self-acceptance?
Any resentment, disappointments, or anger towards parents, partners, friends and others ...
What am I still struggling to accept simply as part of my journey ...
What social expectations have power over my decisions ... and shouldn't?
Who has influence over my decisions now ... and shouldn't?
What are some of my insecurities? How can you use these to practice acceptance?
What does the future look like when I have embraced unconditional self-acceptance?
FINAL THOUGHTS
Finally, moving towards self-acceptance is not at odds with becoming a better partner, co-worker or parent through personal growth. The key to self-acceptance is that when you start to grow into an entirely new person, you do so from a place of love over hate.
💛 I love sharing my thoughts, feelings and ideas with you, and I hope you find them useful. I would greatly appreciate your supporting me with a paid subscription.
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