Reflections on simplifying
So much of the drama that exists in our lives exists because we fuel it. To remove drama, stress, and heaviness, simplify your life; remove distractions; remove activities; remove toxic people; don’t be the toxic person; go deep; get sleep; become intentional about spending your time and money; and find peace and freedom.
Learn to say no compassionately. I see this in myself, friends, family, and clients: We say yes when we really want to say no, but because we don’t know how or that it is our right to say no, we say yes instead. Most of the time, that leads to resentment, and the relationship breaks down over time.
Compassion comes through the tone of your voice, your energetic presence, honestly articulating your reasons for saying no, and sometimes agreeing to come to a compromise. Other people also have boundaries, which must also be respected.
You have every right not to go out drinking with colleagues several times a week, visiting your family every weekend for lunch and wanting some alone time.
Also, learn to say no to yourself. No, you don’t need to watch another Netflix episode at 1 AM; one unit of alcohol is enough, and not you don’t need another bag [fill in the item you buy often, which you don’t need].Build a practice of inwardness and stick to it. People say to me: “I don’t have time to meditate, exercise, journal, go for walks, draw, dance, paint, read or engage in any other practice that leads to inwardness." In some cases, this is true, yet most of the time, it seems to me that it is not about time. It is about priorities.
Most people do have time; they don’t make it a priority.
Why should you make it a priority? The answer is simple: it will help you manage your emotions and thoughts better so you can show up at your best at home, work and life in general. Many people carry around frustration, anger, anxiety and so on. These feelings are very human and essential to experience; even so, they do, over time, block our thinking and our ability to be creative and have a sense of perspective.
When you create and stick to a practice of inwardness, you will eventually design your life around it. That’s the thing: a well-lived life does not occur by happenstance. You have to build it. Yes, it will require some self-discipline, but everyone can benefit from that.Prioritise sleep. Sleep is the most powerful healer of all, and if you are struggling to sleep or falling asleep, you will want to review what you are doing two hours before bed. Are you watching TV until five minutes before bed and having a nightcap? The unfortunate truth is that both are really bad for getting a good night’s rest. Check out Huberman’s Toolkit for Sleep.
Reduce the booz. I realise this is hard for most people as it is so ingrained into our culture, but alcohol has a seriously detrimental effect on our overall health. I’m not against drinking alcohol, but you may want to minimise it as much as possible. I have taken it out entirely, and it has been a blessing.
Get comfortable with mundanity. This one connects with number 3 about creating a practice of inwardness. In a video I watched, Yuval Harari said that one of the challenges of modern humans is that we always seem to need to be excited. We have to be excited about everything and engage in lots of variety.
We don’t need it; it’s social conditioning to remain “good consumers”. No one will earn money from us meditating and going for long walks. So, I’d say get really comfortable with mundanity, being ordinary and engaging in depth over breadth.Reduce social media. Social media is unhealthy for us, and it’s impossible not to have it. So reduce it as much as you can. We all get captured by comparison there, which is not good.
None of what I have said above implies that you can never “have fun” or be frivolous and indulgent. Of course, you can, But I do think that most people would benefit from some more balance and depth in their lives.
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