Reflections on imposter syndrom
Over the last few weeks, I have noticed that many of my clients have been bringing up imposter syndrome as a problem they have been struggling with.
For those of you who don’t know, “imposter syndrome is the condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally, despite being high-performing in external, objective ways.”
My sense is that this feeling connects to a strong sense of unworthiness and not being good enough, regardless of how hard you try. I see this showing up all the time in clients, and in some contexts, I can even recognise it in myself.
Those of you who have been reading me for a while know that I historically, and still to an extent, still do struggle with body image.
There are many reasons for people to experience a sense of imposter syndrome: family upbringing, social expectations, general low self-esteem, and the list goes on.
Even so, what a waste. Life is for living, not walking around not feeling good enough.
There are some practical steps you can take to move from imposter syndrome to a state of higher self-esteem and confidence.
External measures are important yet arbitrary. Every workplace, society, and culture has different measures of success. Most often, these measures of success are founded on how you can be the most productive and efficient to make more money, doing a job you don’t even like. To afford stuff you dont even need.
Most importantly, these “objective measures” of success are made up.
I’m going to say it again.
These measurable external objectives are made up.
I’m not suggesting that we don’t need ways to measure people’s performance, however, I think that we need to shift them to bring in more wholeness, such as who is the most collaborative, caring, compassionate, generous, conscientious, etc.
All of the social structures we have today are not “natural” in nature. We made them up, which means we can change them.
Q: What external made-up measures of success are you letting guide your sense of happiness?
Shift your locus of control inwards. All of us are on a spectrum of either having an internal sense of locus of control or an external one. If you are someone who generally leans strongly towards an external locus of control, perhaps it is good to start working towards bringing that inwards.
Doing so will grow your confidence, give you a greater sense of agency and also care less about what other people think.
Q: Is your locus of control generally inwards out outwards?
Focus on intrinsic motivation over extrinsic motivation. We are often told to measure the value of our existence by how many holidays we can afford, the cars, the shoes, the dinners and the list goes on. I’m not against having nice things or going on lush holidays. Go for it. But to only be motivated by external motivation, such as more money, has a very short shelf life. Instead, if you focus on intrinsic motivations such as a sense of mastery, a sense of challenge, or doing something for the sake of doing it - that is much longer lived and satisfying. They are not mutually exclusive; at the same time, leaning into intrinsic is helpful.
Q: Are you primarily motivated by internal or external motivation?
Know your purpose and values. Knowing your purpose and values is a powerful way not to let you get too swayed by the expectations of society and stand strongly in your power. Not that they cannot change, but if you know who you are, the skills that you have, and have a sense of direction of where you are heading, external measures that are all made up will have less effect on you.
Q: What is your purpose and values?
Spend less time on socials. Social media is poisonous to our mental health. We are social creatures, so comparing ourselves to others is inevitable. Remove as many opportunities to do so as possible. That will free up your mind.
Q: Have you deleted your socials yet?
Talk about it. So many people struggle with this, and in the act of sharing and talking, we can dissipate the effects of imposter syndrome and also dismantle many of the invented measures that create this feeling.
Q: What is getting in the way of you asking for help?
RECOMMENDED READING & PRACTICE:
How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the By Brain Lisa Feldman Barrett
Start that meditation practice as it will give you the space to decondition from societi’s expectations.