Listen more, talk less
The Greek philosopher Epictetus apparently famously said, 'We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak. '
I’m sharing this quote with you because I’m noticing more and more how little people actually listen. Further, most people don’t seem to listen to hold space for the other person to share and be held. They listen so that they can add, interrupt and prove in one way or another that they have something intelligent to share.
Often leaving me feeling not listened to, like I don’t know what I’m doing and unseen.
Not to stroke my ego, but I have been told that I am a good listener, give space for people to talk, and give helpful attention.
I think this is because early on in my personal growth journey, I was introduced to Fiona Dawe from Vital Space, who guided me through the work of Nancy Kline.
Nancy is the author of many books, and her latest is The Promise That Changes Everything: I Won’t Interrupt You. If you have not read it, I would highly recommend it.
The basic premise of the book and her approach is that the people we interact with are given the space to talk without the fear of being interrupted. Nancy says that if we allow people to speak and provide generative attention, their thoughts can go much further, and they can often find their way through complicated topics by themselves without any input.
I have been a practitioner of Time To Think for many years now, and I find it incredibly powerful. I have often found that by entering into that Time To Think container, I obtain many valuable insights without any clever questions or information from my thinking partner.
Many people find it challenging because interrupting and interjecting have become normalised instead of allowing people to think for themselves. Over time, it becomes incredibly freeing.
Only to clarify, it is not that we can never provide insights or reflections on other people’s thinking, but first and foremost, it is about giving people even more space to think freely.
TO CONCLUDE
When we listen more to help others think independently, we generate more novel, creative and innovative thinking. Give it a go and see how it feels.
HOMEWORK
Read the book I mentioned above if you can
Listen for much longer before you interrupt
Listen to help people think for themselves, not to come up with a clever response