Acting against our own best self-interest
I recently read that James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, wrote, “Before you ask for readers, write the article you wish you could read”.
So here we go …
I don’t understand why entirely, but I often observe in others and in myself, too, that we act against our own best interests.
EXAMPLES
No exercise
Excessive drinking
Too little sleep
Too much social media
Few meaningful social connections
Low vulnerability
Little or no self-exploration
and the list goes on
In so many ways, we seem to want to die quicker, live a life of tiredness and be self-destructive.
Going inward and thinking about my personal behaviour, it almost feels like sometimes an unconscious energetic drive takes over, and suddenly, I have overeaten food or gobbled down an entire bag of chocolate in a few seconds. It literally feels like someone else is taking over my own body’s actions, and I’m not in control anymore.
Weird, right?
All is somehow justified in the moment, and afterwards, I wonder what happened. Sometimes, but not always, it leads me to feel a sense of guilt and shame over my actions.
What’s also so surprising is that, on the whole, I’m pretty disciplined and aware of my choices; it's just sometimes I drop into unconsciousness and BAM, I’m three chocolates in.
I think what this also alludes to is that we have to learn harder into compassion for ourselves and other people. I suspect that most people are not even aware of what they are doing; it just happens on autopilot.
I was captured by this unconscious energetic drive the other day. I had a job delivering a breathwork session at a work breakfast. Before I left for the job, I had a big meal, deciding that I was not going to eat at the breakfast because it would most likely be unhealthy.
At the end of the breakfast, I did end up having eggs on toast and two pastries. Not the end of the world, but I wasn’t actually hungry, nor was the food that good. I had after all decided beforehand that I was not going to eat.
So, what happened? Honestly? I’m not sure. Sometimes, I’m able to say no thank you. That morning, that was not within my abilities. Afterwards, I talked myself through practices of self-compassion and self-acceptance and did not think much of it.
I do find that I’m best at following healthy habits when it has become a habit resulting from group work; I have a strong sense of my goals and why I’m doing it.
Somehow, ‘being healthy’ as a goal is not enough for me. I suspect that my unhealthy relationship with food sits very deep within me and is very stubborn. Although, that does not mean I cannot change it. All it means is that I have to work on it a bit harder.
JOURNALING PROMPT:
What self-destructive behaviour do you engage in that you are finding it difficult to let go of?
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